remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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