This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
