hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
