you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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