Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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