Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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