i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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