No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she smelled like a LAN party
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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