Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
