would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
