The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
