She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im six kinds of drunk right now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
