i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
