I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
