we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
