we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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