I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
