No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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