I am puke
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
