i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
