I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
