don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
