How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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