so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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