I got chris browned last night
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
