in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
