Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
