wrigley field is MILF paradise
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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