Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
