Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
