I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
