my vag is so smooth its legendary
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
