I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
