on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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