I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A+ Viking dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
