my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
