Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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