Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
