Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She even gives head with a lisp.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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