last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Damn victory sex feels great
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
