Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
