i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
