okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
