OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
