Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
