I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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