p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
