I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
