Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
