I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
