She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
