I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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