drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
