My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
