My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
