Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
